Yoga

Today is Friday, January 18th.  It is Friday evening and I am planning my Saturday.  My 8 year old Luke plays basketball in the morning, so I will go to watch his game at 9:30.  Troy will tag along and then be left behind with Daddy so that I can head over to Planet Granite for Foundations of Flow with Edwina at 10:45am.  If I don't make it on time, I will put on the headphones and walk on the treadmill.  I don't recall the last time I was in a Yoga Class, although it would seem like August 2010 while Bob began his 26 month stint of unemployment.  It's not hard to remember because it was a unique and very challenging time in our life.  Some might say mid-life crisis, who knows!  Bikram was my passion and I was addicted.  90 degree room holding 26 poses was something I thought to be invigorating, addicting, absolutely amazing!  I still miss it, remember the feelings.  There is something that keeps me from going back.  Is it that fear of looking at my body in the mirror and being disappointed, is it that something happened back then, that marked a period of "not ready to go back."  Tomorrow will be my second shot at a Yoga Class.  The first time I went, last Friday night exactly one week ago, I chickened out.  I drove and parked, turned off the car and then allowed Roger (in my head) to convince me that I was selfish for leaving my family, too fat to look at myself in the mirror and not worthy of taking care of myself.  Jen, a playground Mom suggested that when she takes a class, she always stands in the back corner behind lots of women where she does not have to see herself.  Jen is 5'5 and probably 100 pounds.  Not work out body shape but great looking shape.  SoO, tomorrow I will take those baby steps in hopes that I am able to conquer an unknown fear.